A new breed of legal action is emerging across America this year as thousands of citizens are considering a class action lawsuit targeted, surprisingly enough, at the month of March. The suit may be filed in both state and federal courts asserting that March has caused massive damages ranging from loss of income, substance abuse, marital dissolution and even death.
Plaintiffs are alleging that the confusion and disarray March has caused has been completely intentional and verifiably premeditated.
In an interview with Blog Nation, Izzo Williams, from Boeheim Texas, says she is strongly considering legal action against March as her life has been turned completely upside down.
“My husband is uncontrollable. He can’t sleep. He has forgotten our children’s names and last week he kicked our family dog causing over $700 in vet bills. I’ve never seen him like this before and it scares me. It’s like a form of madness and I just want my life back…my husband back”.
Reports like Izzo’s are becoming all too common. Three weeks ago in a sports bar in Calipari, Rhode Island, multiple televisions were destroyed by enraged patrons throwing beer mugs late in the evening. The owner lays the blame at the feet of March saying that the month’s sense of common decency and responsibility to the public has gone completely off the court.
Speaking to a local Calipari radio station he said, “The clock is ticking on this thing and I feel like we’re going to run out of time as a nation if we don’t do something. My buddy who works at the university said people were cutting down nets, burning couches and harassing pizza delivery guys. If we don’t hold March accountable for this madness, who will?”
When asked if the government should get involved, a recent poll shows that most Americans believe the powers that be are actually in on the madness citing multiple reports of the final four primary candidates filling out brackets and making baseless predictions. These reports lead some to question….can anyone be trusted in March?
A spokesman for March has yet to return phone calls and is rumored to be holed up in Las Vegas, possibly headed to Houston.
Updates are forthcoming as the situation continues to develop. Initial hearings are set for April 1.
April Fools!
